melt

if my heart melts for you
then let’s go to the snow to ice it back up again
or let’s go to the beach and let it thaw
let’s go anywhere
as long as we can melt together
but if you’re not melting
then I’ll pack up my puddle
and take it with me
I can freeze it back up
or swallow it whole
if it’s meant to be
then it will be

11.07.15

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mirrored years

who were you two years ago?
who are you two years now?
the gap in time
seems punctuated with disappointments,
heartaches and birthdays.
if this is the life you’re living
are we living?
this lack of sleep is draining on me,
but my body is alive for those late night adventures
and back to back events.
can we run on these fumes indefinitely?
if this fire burns bright in the dark,
where is it in the daylight?
I want to hop out of bed on a mission
to change this world
where did the passion go?
we sit and quiet down,
is this life?
I’d like to rewrite history
by changing the present.
do I have the tools,
one step
or one leap?
can there be real change
if we’re chained to the habits we’ve created?
everything is easier said than done,
until we’ve tied our tongues
in a world aimless path
and wandering eyes,
where do we look for the answers?

“Silence your thoughts
and open your mind”

yeah, well fuck you

05.03.16

roll the credits

she was fighting the tears
she felt as if her soul might drown
but keep it together,
someone is counting on you.
no one is
but if you don’t lie to yourself you won’t make it to when the sun sets
and the moon take flight
and you can hide your pain

judgements flutter in and out of your consciousness
as you try to keep your eyes alive and friendly
the smile is at your mouth
but hasn’t reached your eyes today

the birds would like to sing their song
but you’re not listening to them either

she’s forcing the ocean to stay still
as it crashes to the sand.
you have no push or pull at all.
you’re jello
or a substance that’s much like an amoeba.
absorb this, try that,
try again.

keep the thoughts away,
find the sun.
it’s hiding too.
rain on your parade
as you parade your love in the streets.
you’re lying to yourself,
there’s no parade.
besides you don’t even know where to start.
so the parade is an internal conversation
that you keep playing over and over,
the tape is getting stuck in the player.
hopefully it doesn’t swallow it this time.
you’ll find another track to play on repeat
as the wheel spins madly in place.

the top keeps spinning
but it’s leaning.
do you catch it?
do you kick it aside
and stomp out its existence?

let’s roll the credits here

02.16.17

 

portrait of a boy

for all the things he did wrong
he had got one thing right
but a pile of mistakes didn’t add up to a win,
just like two wrongs don’t make a right,
wait, they do if you want to walk in circles.
can we all spin this down the drain
and wash it away?

he had looked up to the sky
to ask the winds for a breeze
but they remained silent,
as did the trees.
they had nothing to contribute
and so they kept their metaphorical mouths shut.

he looked to the ground for an answer
but it said nothing either.
everyone was silent in his world
and yet his thoughts were raging on.
if only he could silence them to hear what was being said,
too many voices,
too many choices left him paralyzed and angry.
he would want the best for them
but not for all
and if he couldn’t find any peace
how could he possibly care for anyone else’s peace?
it was an impossible task
that his heart just wasn’t up for.

so he gave up
and brought up the finger.
this would solve no problems
but it made sense in that millisecond.
it made some sense in this crazy idea of a box of a life.

so he made rash decisions
and ignored the consequences.

 

06.01.16

Dobler & Dahmer

there’s a fine line between Dobler and Dahmer
stalker and obsessed,
it’s all about reciprocation,
sexual harassment versus sexual pleasure.
it’s a fine line and a lot of thin ice.
fire and ice
burning ice and stars on fire.
stars that light up the day
and change the night sky.

05.28.16

sleep sweet princess

she can taste forever in your kiss.
white picket fences and four solid walls.
it’s an image that flashes from time to time
but never felt safe.
but if you don’t kiss her
and you won’t look at her,
then her safe is gone.
if you won’t let her hear your heartbeat
and hear your smile when you talk,
then where does she rest?
if she gives you forever
and then you wall yourself up,
what does she do?
does she make other plans?
does she pick up the pieces?
it’s hard not to start the clean up
as a mechanism for making it through.
“if he doesn’t want me,
then I didn’t want him anyway,”
Snow White says to her empty household.
she pretends she wanted to do it all
and not need anyone.
but the truth of the story
is that she’s too afraid to show the cracks in her smile.
if she continues on like a busy bee,
then they’ll all think she’s fine
and this is what she wanted all along.
it’s easy to take what you’re given
and pretend it’s the only thing you wanted in the first place.

fight?
big scary words,
mean face.
be the kid that’s the grown up.
be the one who’s heart is just fine beating on it’s own.
no needs.
no wants.
content.

the silence is becoming deafening.
“does she have a pulse?
is she breathing?”
does it matter?
“she’s fine.
she’s always been fine.
no one needs to check on her.”

the clock ticks madly on
but the temperature in the room drops,
the air becomes cool,
her skin becomes ice
and she slowly goes to sleep.
there’s no problems when you’re asleep.
there’s no questions
or rejection.
there’s no mistakes
and no fears.

sleep sweet princess,
it’s all you’re good for.

10.20.16

split second smile

I want to have more of you
more time
more lazy Sunday’s
and productive Tuesday’s.
slow as molasses Monday’s
and wild drunken 1:30am Saturdays
I’m not sure if eight days a week would be enough
but alas as the winds blow,
the temperature rises,
and I’m hopelessly watching your face
sunrises and sunsets
waves continue to crash
and the moon keeps its shape
I shall settle for snippets of you
and slivers and tablespoons
here and there
if that’s what you’re offering
I’ll take a pinkie to hold
and a split second smile
to keep my soul warm
if even only for a minute

07.01.16